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Domestic Violence
Domestic violence destroys the confidence to grow, to try new things, to develop new talents. Domestic violence erase the color from our lives paints everything in darker and darker shades of gray. Domestic violence is a toxin that affects virtually all areas of your life. Given the harm that domestic violence and stalking can cause, it is no wonder that we learn strategies to cope with an inhuman and inhumane situation.
Common coping strategies include:
“Adjusting” your own behavior in order to reduce the violence;
Denying or minimizing the significance of the abuse;
Explaining or rationalizing the abuse behavior (he/she really did not mean it; he/she was upset;
He/she was drunk; I deserved it; he/she is a really good person most of the time; he/she has been under a lot of stress;
Numbing yourself emotionally or with drugs or alcohol;
Distracting yourselves through compulsive or repetitive behavior;
Distancing yourselves by tuning out; or
Provoking conflict in order to gain some control over the abuse.
These strategies help us endure an intolerable or bad situation. They do not, however, change the basic reality - that your partner(the abuser) believes that violence is acceptable, that they are justified in controlling all of your choices on a daily basis . At some point, you must recognize that that the violence will not stop.
This realization often provokes a personal emotional crisis. This includes the recognition that you must make some changes in your own situation and that to achieve safety you will have to sacrifice other areas of your life.
Ultimately, you must assume responsibility for yourself:
Refuse to accept responsibility for the abuser and how they drag you into their anger and issues;
Live for YOU, not for or through the abuser in your life.
Changes of this magnitude take time and are difficult to accomplish. All of us need help during the difficult times in our lives. There are people who care about you and who can help you begin this journey.
If you can go to the library to pick up a copy of "Defending Our Lives" getting away from domestic violence & staying safe. The book will guide you through the process of protecting yourself. Important decisions to make when leaving, how the legal system can work for you, creating an effective safety plan, what to do one you move and after. To protecting your children. And how friends and family can help you in this process.Important Resources: http://www.ncadv.org/
Consider sharing the information buy posting it in your community, where you work, at the daycare center or anyplace you feel it would help someone. Please feel free to contact me at contact@movingoutmovingon.com
On April 8, 2009, a radio show offering support and direction for everyone as it pertains to all issues of abuse will debut on Wednesday at 3:00PM Central Standard Time . The link is: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanmurphymilano
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